my animated “vision” of a car chase scene…
(update: my class laughed way too hard at the ending… it was one of those laughs that died down and then started back up again. so immature… but, then again, i was secretly going for that response.)
DMT Breakthrough Attempt
I did DMT for the first time. But I failed to break through. It was still an interesting experience. But at the same time, I was a little disappointed at not reaching that “4th dimension” that I read others had experienced.
Prior to taking it, I’ve also heard users sometimes experience the sensation of wanting to vomit after inhaling DMT. And I definitely felt this as well. In fact, the urge to vomit was so strong that tears streamed down my face. Luckily, I hadn’t eaten anything. I was actually starving. So there wasn’t really anything to throw up.
After the third hit, the pipe I was holding started to break apart as if I was almost seeing 3 pipes. I closed my eyes still fighting the sensation to gag while at the same time my body felt heavy. I think the mistake I made was that I probably needed one last hit to break through. But instead I laid back into my seat. It felt like my body was folding into myself while I was sorta being pulled forward. I also noticed that it felt like I wasn’t breathing… like I had to consciously force myself to breathe. I think trying to resist what was going on instead of giving into the feeling and just accepting whatever happened may have also contributed to my failure at breaking through.
Once I calmed down, I vaguely saw billions and billions of very faint tiny shapes like triangles… that seemed to form one big giant triangle. But that lasted only seconds. In fact, the whole experience felt like it was over in a blink of an eye.
I’m definitely hoping my next attempt will be more successful. Time to do more research.
fear and love
can fear and love coexist?
can you love someone you fear?
is it coincidence that i’ve lived most of my life as coward and never felt loved?
Your Words are like Medicine
I don’t think I’ve ever really taken the time to thank everyone for the support they have given me through tumblr.
I often feel like a freak of nature unable to live up to society’s standards. And yet, people here make me feel welcomed despite my shameful actions and feelings.
Your words are truly like medicine.
Thank you.
Confidently Unconfident
I’ve always wanted to be confident. But I just can’t seem to understand how anyone can be confident. For me, confidence is either illogical or psychopathic… because confidence requires one of two things. Either you’re certain about your judgement based on your judgement… or you’re aware that your judgement could be faulty and you just don’t care about the damage it may cause to others. Both scenarios would indicate that confidence is a really bad thing…
Ironically the thing I’m most confident about is my lack of confidence.
my first attempt at an animation short… it could be a lot better. but, i rushed to finish it over the break.
The only reason we don’t open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don’t feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else’s eyes.
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| — | Pema Chödrön (via man-in-the-way) |
